Dib and the Sidekick of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!
by Pirate Captain Kimi the Great
Summary: Dib and Fan Character Lex discuss the concept of a sidekick


Dib Needs a Sidekick  
  
By: Kimi the Great  
  
Disclaimer: I own not Invader Zim, nor Dib, nor Aquaman and his sea creatures, nor Batman and Robin, nor Superman, nor James Bond, nor Spaceghost. The only thing I own is Lex. I don't own anything from the godfather either.  
  
Author's Note: Lex is just an original character, leave her be. She's hyperly insane and obsessed with Dib and is known for stalking him.  
  
Dib: *happily* Oh yes! With this ingenious plan of mine, Zim will be proved an alien in no time! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA---  
  
Lex: *popping up out of nowhere* HI DIB!  
  
Dib: HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *has screamed mid laugh out of suprise* Lex, what are you doing here?  
  
Lex: *Godfather voice* I've come to make you an offer you can't refuse.  
  
Dib: Try me.  
  
Lex: OK! I WILL! I was stalking you around and I was thinking, you need a sidekick, and-  
  
Dib: NO! I, the great Dib, am in no need of a sidekick. Now, I'm really busy trying to catch Zim, so if you could just-  
  
Lex: QUIET!!!! You didn't let me get to the best part!  
  
Dib: Which is?  
  
Lex: *closes eyes and smiles really big* I'm going to be your sidekick!  
  
~~~~~silence~~~~~  
  
Lex: I said, I'm going to be your sidekick! *opens eyes to see that Dib has run halfway across the street* DIB! *catches up to him*  
  
Dib: I told you Lex. I need no sidekick.  
  
Lex: Oh come on, Dib! You're gonna be a great hero when you save the world from Zim, and all. All great heroes have sidekicks!  
  
Dib: Like who?  
  
Lex: Batman and Robin, Spaceghost and those two dopey teenagers and the monkey, Aquaman and those sea creatures.  
  
Dib: Those don't qualify as sidekicks; they're more of innocent bystanders who happen to have skills to help the hero.  
  
Lex: They helped him, didn't they?  
  
Dib: You know, not all great heroes have sidekicks.  
  
Lex: Oh yeah? Who?  
  
Dib: Superman, James Bond.  
  
Lex: They didn't need sidekicks.  
  
Dib: Well, neither do I!  
  
Lex: No, you dorkfish! They didn't need sidekicks because they had the ladies.  
  
Dib: I agree, James Bond was a pimp, but Superman didn't have ladies. He only had Lois. That would be singular. As in, one lady.  
  
Lex: *mumbles* More than you've got.  
  
Dib: I HEARD THAT!  
  
Lex: Face the facts, Dib. You're just a doofy kid with a big head. You couldn't get the ladies if you tried.  
  
Dib: MY HEAD IS NOT BIG! And anyway, you seem to like me and you're a lady.  
  
Lex: Oh silly, I don't count! I'm the sidekick (  
  
Dib: You are NOT my sidekick!  
  
Random Kid: *points to Lex* Hey Dib, is she your sidekick?  
  
Dib: NO!  
  
Lex: Yes I am, he's in denial.  
  
Random Kid: Dib, the first step to solving your problem is admitting you have a problem.  
  
Dib: Thanks for that interesting morally right, yet oh-so useless tid-bit of information! Now go away!  
  
Lex: I'm sensing bad vibes here. Is something upsetting you?  
  
Dib: Wow, you're insightful.  
  
Lex: *cheerily* That's what sidekicks are for!  
  
Dib: *slaps forehead* Why are you so obsessed with being my sidekick?  
  
Lex: *goes all noble* Because, I see you I the future. Dib, the great hero who saved Earth from certain destruction by the Irkens and you have personally destroyed Zim! *Forms a thought bubble with all this in it*  
  
Dib: *gazing into thought bubble* Hey, I look good as a hero.  
  
Lex: But, you wouldn't have gotten that far without your trusty sidekick, Lex! *Lex pops into the thought bubble and thought bubble Dib looks upset*  
  
Dib: *Pops thought bubble in disgust* I told you, Lex. I don't need a sidekick.  
  
Lex: *evil smile* But, Zim's got one.  
  
Dib: *stops what he's doing* He does. doesn't he? That moronic robot dog of his.  
  
Lex: Yep! You need a sidekick now! You see the way I figure it, Zim's smart, but he's horrendously ugly. His sidekick is dumb like a moose, but disgustingly cute. Now us, we're both smart AND cute. So, combining our talents, cancels out theirs, and leaves us ahead by one person.  
  
Dib: *ponders* Your logic is strange, and yet. it makes perfect sense. I guess you can be my sidekick.  
  
Lex: WOOT! *does happy dance*  
  
Dib: But you have to listen to me. and no more stalking me!  
  
Lex: Aye aye, sir!  
  
And so, Lex became Dib's sidekick and when they grew up and saved the world, they settled down, got married and had 20 kids.  
  
Dib: WHAT? No we didn't! This happened about a week ago! We're not grown up yet! And what on Earth would possess me to have THAT MANY kids with LEX?  
  
Lex: Shut up Dib, the author's my buddy. *looks up* Thanks Kimi!  
  
Kimi: No problem! *winks*  
  
Dib: *shakes his head* Females.  
  
Lex: I'll bet you up, little man!  
  
Dib: You can't do that! I'm the hero!  
  
Lex: Watch me!  
  
*screen blackens and there are sounds of Dib being beaten*  
  
Dib: HEY! I'M SORRY! OUCH! STOP IT! I TAKE IT ALL BACK! OUCH! I WOULDN'T MIND HAVING ONE KID WITH YOU! OUCH! OK MAYBE TWO! OUCH! MY SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!  
END!  
  
P.S. We love you, Dib! 


End file.
